We would all like to hear about your black belt test. Was it a grueling 90 minute ordeal or was it 24+ hours of never-ending hellish fun?
My black belt test started in a Gold’s Gym as our instructor was a weight lifting fanatic. We had the most intense workout of our lives, high reps, little rest. We then went to the general area where our test would take place, after a cool day of hanging out and a great team dinner, we laughed, hung out till well past 2am and then hit the rack, at least we thought we were hitting the rack. No sooner did our eyes close when we were abruptly… well violently woken up. I’ll spare you the details that grimy fish tank water played in that process. We were shuffled into a truck with our gear and brought to the location…. the beach. This place would always be known as The Beach. This would be the place that would break the largest of men and ultimately transform everyone into warriors…. I’m not talking the kumbaya bitches that throw this word around, but real warriors.
I wont get into too many details but we were told to bring multiple gis and workout clothes, sneakers, sweat shirts, and pants, Gatorade, gallon of water, carb snacks energy bars, and an assortment of odd things that just made you think WTF? plus every weapon we could think of. When we got onto the beach we were told to line up facing the water. It was beautiful, the early morning mist coming over the water. It was truly amazing. We knew we were part of a very small group of people who pushed themselves…. I mean really pushed themselves to be batter. Were were then told to line up in full uniform for basics. Not 1 minute into basics we were knee-deep in water. Try throwing a roundhouse kick or rather any kick with gi pants on knee-deep in water facing the beach. (My uniforms were always those freaking heavyweight gis, not the student weight gis handed out today)
After basics was a quick drink then time to start katas, eyes front, you cannot look down and oh yeah don’t step on the eggs in the sand all around your feet. Seems kind of silly, but when you knew what our punishments consisted of on good day then you can understand the gravity of the situation. Eyes front! is all we heard. After that fun excercise came self-defense, face your partner one foot in the water one foot out. This was actually a lot of fun. But the best part has yet to be told. After all of this being wet fully dressed covered in sand and having it places sand just shouldnt be, we were told to dry off and get dry warm clothes on. Whew! what a relief…. or so we thought. Once we were dry and had taken a quick break it was back to the water. Now this is where it gets fun.
One at a time we were called up in front of the board. Where one of the board members would come up and tie our hands behind our back. Then walk us back into the water up to our waist. The rest of the board surrounded us and we were told to defend our selves. The beatings began. What we found out quick was that falling down under water with your hands tied behind your back sucked, getting up was brutal. I remember looking up out of the water without a full breath of air in my lungs for what seemed like minutes when actually it was seconds. They wanted to see what we would do. Of course the feeling of elation when you saw hands coming to grab you and pull you up was just incredible…. but again short-lived right back under we went. After which we were taught how to get back to our feet in this situation. The best tests are also the best class lessons.
After we all got to enjoy this beating, we were again brought up, knee-deep in the water and surrounded by the board. Just this time they were holding BOs, staffs and one member had a fucking yari spear which he would accidentally of course and not knowing, hit me in a fresh hernia scar I had received almost 3 weeks earlier….. ahhh the pain, the glorious pain. I’m told I giggled a little. Well this went on for hours. We were attacked in every manner by the board then we were untied and told to attack each other and that our test hinged on or efforts…. in other word “Don’t pull your punches”, every man for himself. Don’t get me wrong I was never closer to a better bunch of guys in my life. And I’d do it again. It really was a field day for warriors.
After the fighting the beatings the water torture.. ahem.. water fun. We were instructed to dry off get a 3rd set of warm comfy clothes on…. ahh to be dry and warm… it was nirvana. But this was short-lived as it would end real soon. We went to one of the board members homes. Where he had over his many years of training and weight lifting had amassed a brutal collection of weights that I’m pretty sure were outlawed. We were using things that could give us tetanus for crying out loud….. lol not really but he will like the joke.
Once in his “Wild Bill” (Silence of the Lambs) type dungeon we would begin a brutal regimen of high weight and higher reps weight training then run out side to lie down facing uphill for leg raises and a freezing cold water hose on us constantly. The tough part was when some guys got the cool idea to put shirts over our faces and water board us with the hose and buckets of water asking us questions to keep us mentally sharp and focused under such duress during the mayhem. Mind you we were almost at 24 hours now.
Then once this was all done… again we were instructed to dry off get on our 4th set of comfy dry clothes and then lined up in the driveway and told to hold what we were given, which was a large log, a cinder block, or large rocks. Then instructed to follow our runner guy who ran like Forrest Fucking Gump, through the woods up hills just a tough run, I mean we were already delirious and exhausted.
After the run they walked us down to the dock, yes the house was on the water. Where we played a game of the most violent water chicken imaginable. At first we thought oh cool some fun stuff to lighten the mood…. Nope we were instructed to fight. I don’t know who had it worse the guy carrying or the guys fighting, either way we all got hit.
Bruised, battered, completely drained of all energy and just fighting to maintain mental clarity, we were again told to dry off and get warm dry clothes on. At this point we didn’t enjoy it cause we thought we would be back in. All we had now was the will to fight and survive this day. To our amazement they announce that there was one last part, the candle. We were told to punch out the flame of a candle without touching it. If you have never done this it takes focus and snap. If you can’t snap your gi you won’t blow out the flame. This was great we were allowed to be less formal and got to again laugh and hang out as brothers just like we started. And yes we were all eventually successful at extinguishing the flame.
So you say you went 1 and a half hours at your test…. Cute! Do tell……
To my brothers who fought with me that most excellent of days, I honor you, even if we fell out of touch you will always be my brother. Thank you for the memory that few will ever experience.
(If I left something out as I’m sure I did please share, people should know the path we walked that brought us to where we are.)
Mayhem Forward!
Mayhem Combatives 
